A few months ago I was contacted by management for Harry Styles asking whether I would consider doing his portrait. I didn’t really know of his celebrity at the time so I said yes but I wish I hadn’t cause the whole thing has been a disaster. 

He came to my holiday home in padstow and sat for two days but I only spent about 20 minutes on the picture in the end cause I had an issue with my russell hobbs fridge/freezer and so I had to defrost it and I realised there was some diced goat going off so I made massaman curry. Anyway I thought I’d done a good job of the pic but his management were quite cross and one of them said ‘it’s Harry Styles not Jeremy Beadle's face on a fucking egg’ and Harry just awkwardly kept saying it was an honour to meet me whilst not eating his curry. They didn't take the painting so I spoke to the National Portrait Gallery on the phone and they said they don’t take unsolicited submissions and it was hard to make a judgement on a call so I went in in person and the girl on the desk was really nice but said she wasn’t sure I was what they were looking for and she also said she didn’t want any goat massaman curry because she’s a vegetarian.

UPDATE: The above is obviously a fanciful story from my mind. Inexplicably the following is now true: I posted the painting and the above story to instagram and Mr Styles himself contacted my requesting to buy the painting. After some negotiating we agreed on a price of £6 and a Kit Kat Chunky Peanut Butter. The £6 has been paid in full but as of April 2024 the Kit Kat has not yet been delivered.